yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You ruined the universe
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
