i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
