she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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