Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
