The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
