Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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