a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
