So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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