Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize