dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
