I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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