fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
