if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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