So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
