we have officially lost it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
