I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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