I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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