I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
