please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
