She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The air taste purple.
Randomize
