We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
