She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
