He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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