the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
