I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
