i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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