Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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