Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
