just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
