I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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