I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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