That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
