i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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