Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize