Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
