yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
