I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
