Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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