its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
