Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My ass is underappreciated
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
