my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
