I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
