my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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