Ambien. No doubt about it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
