wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize