I'm laying in your front yard are you home
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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