a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
