so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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