He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
