I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
