Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
