Walk of Shame. In a state park.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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