i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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