She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
