Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
