Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
