I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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