it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
