Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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