Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
