You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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