Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
