Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize