brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
