i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
