What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
