Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
