so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
