So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
