Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
