Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
