Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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