Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fuck appropriateness.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
