I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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