As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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