He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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