Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize