Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
