summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
