i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
