ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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