I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
