His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
