I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
