Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
