he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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