is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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