Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
