If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize