a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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