the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
