turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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