Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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