I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I could fuck to npr.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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