Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
