dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
