Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
